GREAT MINDS DO NOT THINK ALIKE

or

CAN I TRUST YOU?

I’ve heard that it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.  I like to use that excuse several times a day with my husband.  We have a good laugh about it.  But I never use it when I am with a person who is affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder.  Over the years (and recently) I have experienced different ways that the brain processes information.  Learning each student’s thought processes has been vital in connecting with them.

One student needs time to process what I am asking or telling him.  I learned not to repeat myself as though he wasn’t listening to me.  Suddenly cutting an activity short could cause extreme anxiety in another student.  Jokes may make no sense to someone who thinks literally.  It takes time to get to know someone and listening to input from parents helped to open my own mind to the idiosyncrasies which, of course, we all have.

Brady’s Story

Brady is a high school student I have been tutoring for 4 years.  He has taught me how to be quiet and patient while I wait for a response.    His mother, Lena, had to remind me often that Brady needed time to process information.  She showed me how using sticky-notes helped to keep Brady focused and more relaxed.  Finally, I understood what this “processing” was all about.

 I was able to relate it to myself.  I do get tired of talking so much to students – so maybe by being quiet and allowing the student to think about what I said will make the session so much easier for both of us!  Using the sticky-notes eliminated too much audio input.  (What the heck, let’s call it what it really is…. yapping!).  Each activity or question would be on a single paper and numbered:

         

                   1.  Go over vocabulary words. 

                   2.  Read about Metamorphism.

                   3.  Take a break.

                   4.  Read and answer questions 1a, 1b, and 1c.

                   5.   Put the work in your binder.

                   6.  Done.

Brady was able to process and understand more information.  We ended up with a comfortable working relationship.  Brady soon felt comfortable to tell me when he didn’t understand something or would prefer a different order for the activities. 

One other aspect of understanding Brady was how his anxiety was expressed.  He tended to leave the table suddenly, would talk to himself or wash his hands often.  I was able to back off or slow down whenever I noticed his signals.  The bonus was that the more I respected these signals, the more Brady trusted me and felt comfortable.  The more comfortable he felt, the more he was able to learn.

Trust - so important in everyone’s life.

 Albert’s Story

I worked with Albert in an elementary school during grades 4, 5 and 6.  He had been affected by Cerebral Palsy and was in a wheelchair.  On top of that, he was also affected by Aspergers Syndrome.  It was later when he was in high school that I truly understood the importance of trust and understanding how someone else thinks.

I was lucky enough to re-connect with Albert when he was in grade 9 and I was tutoring.  Transition was one of the areas in his life that could easily throw him into a tailspin.  Being prepared for the next class or part of the day was important to him.  It seems to be easier to accommodate or be aware of the importance of preparation when a student is in elementary school.  Not so in high school - the pressure to “finish work” or “be on time” is intense.   (I find this is true for many students.)

This pressure was apparent when Albert was in grade 10.  I had been visiting a support teacher at his school and stopped by to say hello to Albert. He was just finishing his lunch and had started to eat a chocolate bar that he bought from the machine when the bell rang for class.  His reaction was immediate.  He tensed up and said to his worker, “You said I could eat this!”  His assistant, Jerry, assured him that it was fine, Albert could go to class a little late.  That was fine until his Jerry went on a break and Sally, the other assistant, came to take Albert to class.  Albert once again said, “Jerry told me I could finish this.”  Sally told him that he had to get to class and then took the chocolate bar from him and put it in his lunchbox.  Albert screamed, yelled and completely fell apart.  Not only did he not be able to finish the bar, he also was not prepared to go to class.  His mind was set on the schedule that he and Jerry had agreed on. 

That year at school, Albert had difficulty coping and trusting any staff.  I know that when I do not feel I can trust someone, I am uncomfortable and cannot work under those circumstances.  For Albert it was about more than just comfort, it was about feeling he could trust what was going on – his anxiety was on high alert.

Being able to predict part of your day is important to most people.  You feel secure in knowing that “up is up”, “down is down” and when you live in the lower mainland of B.C. it will always rain. (Well, almost always!)

Being able to predict part of your day is so much more difficult for someone who depends on other people or processes information differently.   Our actions tend to be influenced by the rules, the clock, and the “powers that be”.

Let’s slow down, listen carefully, and put the child foremost in our minds.