LET ME TRY 

or      

 LIMITS, PRESUMPTIONS and LOW EXPECTATIONS

Parents and older siblings sometimes don’t have high (or perhaps any) expectations of the younger children.  Well, at least that’s what I have noticed in my own family.  Even as adults we tend to underestimate each other. 

What about those of us who work with typical and atypical children.  If we have low expectations or presume a child cannot do something then we are limiting them. We take away opportunities for the child to learn or do for themselves.

The children and teens I have worked with have taught me that underestimating or having low expectations of others is limiting. 

ROBBY

Robby was a shy three year old boy at a preschool in Burnaby.  He took a while to warm up to an activity.  My personality and style of teaching fit well with Robby’s personality.  He became comfortable and participated whenever he was ready to.  The following year a new assistant was hired.  Before I had the chance to tell her about Robby and ask her take it slow with him, she had him already joining in with a circle game.  What a lesson I learned that day!  By expecting Robby to behave the same as he did when he was three, I was limiting his experience.  Not only that, I realised that my style is not the only way to teach.

TOBY

It’s not only adults who influence a child’s behaviour.  Toby was a four year old boy at a preschool in New Westminster.  The previous year his social skills and self control indicated that he had not matured as much as his peers.  Often he would disrupt others while they played – knocking down blocks, bashing cars together, breaking Lego buildings.

By the time Toby was four, he had matured.  One morning he spent about 20 minutes setting up an activity on his own.  He showed me some chairs in a row and set a stuffed dog in front of the chairs, “This is my police show.  Can you tell everyone to come?”  When the other children arrived, one of them said, “Toby’s going to ruin it!”  I could see Toby’s reaction – he almost reverted to his three year old behaviour to disrupt his own activity.  Before he had a chance to ruin it, I managed to say, “Toby doesn’t do that anymore.  This is his police show.”  He immediately stopped his actions and stood taller. 

Holding on to previous perceptions and giving people labels is like putting up a brick wall that’s too high to get over.

LENA

Four year old Lena had fragile bones and her body was smaller than a toddler’s.  Although she couldn’t support her weight and walk around, she was very capable of rolling herself around the room to get whatever she needed…..of course, she could always con someone else to cater to her.  One day she asked me to get a toy for her that was across the room.  I took a gamble and said, “No, you can get it yourself.”    So she did.  She rolled herself across the mats and got the toy.  What an eye opener!  I had no preconceived notion of Lena’s capabilities – no expectations one way or another.  A great personality, a wonderful smile, and a permanent resident at Sunny Hill Hospital for Children – all the nurses loved Lena.  She had them wrapped around her little finger but it may not have been the best thing for Lena.

How can a child learn if we always expect less of her and do everything for her?

BILLY 

My brother, Billy, was the youngest of the six of us and took a longer time to learn to speak.  He did make up some of his own words but other than that he had no need to learn to speak.  His five older siblings catered to his every need.  He would make a sound, point to a cupboard and one of us would get him some crackers.   He would make a sound, point to a toy and one of us would jump right up and hand it to him.  Luckily our parents noticed what was going and told us that Billy would never learn to speak if we kept on being his servants.   Once we stopped he started to learn to speak.  (As an adult, Bill went to university, became a computer consultant, and is now a minister!)

Whether it is a Chinese proverb, a Native American saying, or a quote from Sophocles, we all learn be doing.

                                                     Tell me and I'll forget.

                                                Show me, and I may not remember.

                                                   Involve me, and I'll understand.

                                                   -  Native American Saying -